Understanding Newborn Clinginess: Is It Normal?

It is perfectly normal for newborns to be clingy. This is a pivotal part of their development and is often a result of separation anxiety, which happens when a baby starts to realise that their caregiver is the best at taking care of them. This typically occurs around the nine-month mark when babies realise that their mother and they are separate entities. Separation anxiety can also be linked to a baby's sense of security and the extent of their relationship with their caregiver. It is important to remember that clinginess is a sign of healthy development and that it is temporary.

Separation anxiety

Signs of separation anxiety

Your baby might show a number of signs of separation anxiety. They might cry when left with someone else, they might not want to play on their own, they might start waking up early, or they might start having sleeping problems.

How to handle separation anxiety

• Build up the separation gradually by leaving them with someone they know well for short periods, gradually increasing the time and introducing them to people they know less well.
• If they're old enough, plan for later by talking to them about what you'll be doing after you've left. For example, tell them that you'll have dinner together later, or that you'll read a book together when they finish nursery. This reinforces the message that you will be coming back.
• Leave something familiar with them, such as a toy they love or an item of clothing with your smell on it.
• Don't show your emotions when leaving them alone. If your baby notices that you are upset, they may become more clingy and start crying. Instead, wave goodbye with a smile and assure them that you will be back soon.
• Give them some independence on their own terms. If your child hates it when you go out but is happy to crawl into another room by themselves, foster that independence by waiting a few minutes before going after them.

When to be concerned

While clinginess and separation anxiety are normal, it's important to recognise when this behaviour might indicate something more. If the clinginess seems to escalate rather than gradually improve, or if the anxiety interferes with your child's daily activities or development, it might be a sign to pay closer attention. Other warning signs include developmental regression, such as a child returning to more babyish speech, or extreme distress when anticipating separation, such as panic attacks or difficulty breathing. If you recognise any of these signs, it may be helpful to seek advice from a pediatrician or child health provider.

Object permanence

It is normal for newborns to be clingy. This is a sign of their mental development and can also be a result of separation anxiety.

Before developing object permanence, babies tend to believe that things that are out of sight do not exist. Once they start to learn this concept, they will begin to search for lost toys and may become upset if they cannot find them.

• Play games such as peekaboo, where you cover your face with your hands and then remove them.
• Use a light cloth to cover your baby's head and then remove it, saying "peekaboo!". As they get older, you can see if they can remove the cloth themselves.
• Play peekaboo with a toy by hiding it behind objects and then revealing it.
• Hide and reveal toys while your baby is watching, encouraging them to find the toy.
• Play with pop-up toys and books that have hidden images.
• Use an object permanence box, a wooden box with a hole at the top where a ball can be dropped in and will roll out the other side.

Signs of separation anxiety

Yes, it is normal for newborns to be clingy. This is a pivotal part of their development and is closely linked to their sense of security and the extent of their relationship with their caregiver.

Crying when you leave the room

Babies with separation anxiety tend to cry when their primary caregiver exits the room or is out of sight. They may also cry when handed to someone new or when approached by a stranger.

Clinging or crying, especially in new situations

Anxiety about separation may manifest as increased clinginess or crying, particularly when the baby is in an unfamiliar environment or faced with new people.

Awakening and crying at night

Separation anxiety can disrupt sleep patterns, causing babies to wake up and cry during the night, even if they previously slept through.

Refusal to sleep without a parent nearby

Babies with separation anxiety may resist falling asleep unless their parent or primary caregiver is close by. They may also wake up during the night and refuse to settle without the presence of their caregiver.

Leaning away from strangers

When held or embraced by a stranger, a baby with separation anxiety may lean away, reaching out towards their primary caregiver.

Difficulty sleeping

Anxiety about separation can cause sleep disturbances, making it challenging for the baby to fall asleep or sleep soundly.

It is important to remember that clinginess is a normal phase in a baby's development, and it will typically pass by the time the child is 2-3 years old.

Strategies to overcome clinginess

It is important to remember that clinginess is a normal and healthy part of a child's development. It is often a phase that children will outgrow as they mature and develop significant relationships outside the home. However, there may be times when parents want to help their children overcome clinginess, especially if it is causing stress or interfering with daily activities. Here are some strategies that can help:

Gradual Separation:

• Start with short periods of separation by leaving your child in another room or with a trusted family member or caregiver.
• Gradually increase the duration of separation and try leaving them with other responsible and affectionate individuals, such as grandparents.
• Always assure your child that you will be back and maintain a consistent routine when leaving them.

Provide Comfort Items:

• Give your child their favourite toy, a soft blanket, or a piece of your clothing to provide comfort and familiarity when you are away.
• Ensure that any items given to the child are safe and do not pose a choking or strangulation hazard.

Manage Your Emotions:

• Try to remain calm and positive when leaving your child. Avoid displaying your own upset or anxious emotions, as this may make your child more clingy.
• Wave goodbye with a smile and assure them that you will be back soon.

Communicate and Plan:

• If your child is old enough to understand, talk to them about your plans and what they can expect after the separation.
• Share your daily schedule and make plans for activities you will do together after the separation period.
• Keep your promises to build your child's confidence and reinforce that you will return.

Encourage Independence:

• Give your child age-appropriate tasks to complete on their own to build their confidence and sense of independence.
• Provide positive feedback and gradually increase the level of difficulty as they become more confident.

Establish a Routine:

• Create a consistent daily routine for meals, nap times, and playtime to help your child feel more secure and less anxious.
• Stick to the routine as much as possible, but be flexible when necessary.

Provide Reassurance:

• Let your child know that you are there for them and provide plenty of hugs and cuddles.
• Encourage your child to express their feelings and help them understand that it is okay to feel clingy sometimes.

Remember that overcoming clinginess takes time and patience. By implementing these strategies, you can help your child feel more secure and confident, gradually reducing their clingy behaviour.

Clinginess and cognitive development

Clinginess in newborns is a normal and pivotal part of their development. This phenomenon, called separation anxiety, occurs when the baby starts to realise that their caregiver is the best at taking care of them, and they want to keep them close by. This phase typically begins when the baby is around 6 months old, but it can start as early as 4 months or as late as 18 to 20 months.

Much of their clinginess has to do with the baby developing object permanence, which is the idea that something exists even when they cannot see it. Infants typically grasp this concept starting between 4 and 8 months old, and separation anxiety can set in soon after, around 9 months of age. However, some children do not show signs of separation anxiety until later, around 18 months.

This realisation of object permanence marks a significant leap in the child's mental abilities. For the first time, they understand that their caregiver can leave them, which can be a scary thought. This fear is what we observe as clinginess or separation anxiety. It is their way of holding on to their source of safety and comfort.

While separation anxiety is an emotional phase for the child, it is also deeply intertwined with their cognitive development. It is the result of the important cognitive milestone of object permanence, which is a crucial part of the baby's cognitive or thinking skills development.

Typically, separation anxiety kicks in around 8 to 14 months of age and can peak at various stages, depending on the child. It usually resolves by the time a child is 3 years old, but it may sometimes persist beyond the toddler years.

When to be concerned

While clinginess is a normal part of a child's development, there may be times when this behaviour indicates something more concerning. Here are some signs that clinginess may be crossing the line from a normal developmental phase to something requiring additional support:

• The clinginess seems to escalate rather than gradually improve, especially as the child grows older.
• The anxiety interferes with their daily activities or development, such as being unable to play, interact with others, or attend childcare without significant distress.
• There are warning signs of language or developmental delay, or extreme struggles with emotional regulation.
• The child's clinginess is accompanied by extreme distress, such as panic attacks, prolonged crying, or difficulty breathing when anticipating separation.

If you recognise any of these signs, it may be helpful to seek advice from a pediatrician or child health provider to ensure that your child continues to develop healthily.

Frequently asked questions